Fake IPL Player Distils Team Management Theory

I can assure you I'm not the only editor-in-chief of a major cricket blog thanking our good friend Fake IPL Player for helping us with a few thousand extra hits over the last few days. It seems as though the public's desire to uncover the real identity of this "poison pen" will prove insatiable as long as IPL² continues - probably even beyond. To confirm my earlier theory that this man is an unparalleled genius, sample this:

"Somebody please teach the new age cricket bosses, that building a cricket team is slightly different from selling liquor or masala movies. It takes time, patience, clarity of thought, a sense of belongingness, a common sense of purpose, a clear strategy and much more. It's like nurturing a family. In team sport, the team is not the management that creates the product. The team IS the product. Create the product as if it's your own baby. And it will give you pleasure for a lifetime!"

Succinct, infinitely accurate and as pure as it gets. Someone needs to quote this kid in the IPL's prospectus when the next batch of new franchises go up for ransom auction.

If only the likes of Vijay Mallya and SRK understood this simple theory, their hard-earned money may just, just have proven to be something more than an very expensive gamble.

Mallya, in particular, seems to be acting like the cliched monster that is the bane of every sporting organisation owned by a megalomaniac. It doesn't take a two year old to deduce that burdening your captain with a Test-team in the first edition and then sacking him (even after he proved to be the team's best performer) in favour of an out of form egotist was not going to produce the desired result.

Being seen in the company of air-headed Bollywood celebrities and becoming the star attraction at a player auction after he had spent his who kitty on one player was definitely not the path to success. Mallya has undoubtedly made a lot of successful investments in his time, however I do wonder if he's heard my grandma's theory of not 'putting all his eggs in one basket'?

Cricket is a team sport, Mr Mallya - and while we're at it, here's another cliche for you, there's no "I" in "team".

More Fake IPL Player nicknames for you:

Bevdaa - Vijay Mallya
Bhooka Naan - Matthew Mott
Shakespeare - Aakash Chopra
Ganji Hanger - Sanjay Bangar
Peter Ka Beta / Re-Peter - Kevin Pietersen
Junta Tormentor - Ajantha Mendis

PS. Maybe Mr Mallya should have spent all that cash on a better engine and diffusers for Force India.