The Prime Reason Why Zimbabweans Cannot Play Cricket

Well they can, just not very well at this particular point in time. That is the consensus among normal people.

However, if a Cricinfo article is to be believed, the answer to the above question is: their hair. The war lords that preside over the shambolic institution (or private fiefdom, which ever you find more apt) that is Zimbabwe Cricket have decreed that a dress (read hair) code is an essential ingredient in producing world-beating international cricketers.

Steven Price reports on a Zimbabwe Cricket edict that requires all players to have military style crew cuts, with a single strand of hair not exceeding a length of half an inch. According to the article, this rule currently applies to three players in the national team, although there is a considerable confusion as to whether it will be extended to include other local stars who are attempting to make a comebacks after long layoffs due to serious ailments, such as head lice.

The furore over his flowing locks has caused one unnamed Zimbabwe cricketer to admit, in a flood of tears:

"This is gross human rights abuse but I need to look after my family. Cricket is my job and I cannot risk my job for dreadlocks."

Proving once again that when one has mouths to feed, one must acquiesce to the honourable wishes of men who have far less than a full head of hair, such as Zimbabwe Cricket President Peter Chingoka (right).

And you thought Lalit Modi was an idiot, huh?