Dear Diary

In light of Cricinfo's Page 2 take on the life and times of one Rahul Dravid in the IPL era, here's a few days in the life of another top bloke:

2 April 2010
2 overs! 2 measly mofo overs! I was easily the best bowler on show and bloody Sanga only gives me 2 overs. I don't think Sanga understands how important these spells are to resurrecting my international career. I mean what captain relies on Irfan to be his death bowler. The only death that's happening right now is to our team - because of Irfan's bowling. The idiot can't work out if he's a bowler or a batsman and the bloody captain trials him in all positions to find out, while I rot at fine leg. Bloody fool.

All those trips to the temple are clearly not working for me. I'll have to do some thinking about what to do to get noticed by Dhoni sir and Kirsten sir. I suppose I'll have to do it all now, coz Sanga clearly won't help. Mofo!

3 April 2010
Had a good night's sleep. Must've taken a few deep breaths in my sleep coz I'm all calm now. Yuvi sir had a friend with him at breakfast. I couldn't stop looking across at her. I'm so happy coz I think she saw me looking at her too. Our eyes met, there was definitely a connection. I would have given her my number but I saw Sanga leave the restaurant and I had to run after him to ask why he only gave me 2 overs last night. I might get her number from Yuvi sir later. He's normally a really nice guy (until he gets angry) and he's always willing to share.

PS. I couldn't catch Sanga coz I ran into Ramesh Powar in the lobby. By the time I got around Powar, Sanga had vanished. Fat slob, really should lose some weight.

4 April 2010
Sanga just told me I'm rested for this game. What rested ya? I haven't played in months and the bloody Lankan wants to rest me? I'm beginning to think this is a conspiracy to ruin my career. Moody and Sanga are doing to me what Chappell did to Irfan. Bloody Lankan thinks he's as smart as a white man. I'll show the bastard. Rest, my ass!

5 April 2010
Sat right in front of the restaurant door at breakfast today so that I could see Moody or Sanga walk in. I wanted to give them a piece of my mind. Missed out again. Bloody fat prick Powar sat right in front of me blocking my view. And people wonder why we have food shortages in India!

6 April 2010
Saw Yuvi sir in the lift today. I was going to ask him what I should do to get back in the team for tomorrow. But before I could ask, he asked me why I was clapping like a lunatic when we were batting during the last game? Then he said Sanga thinks I'm immature and too emotional. Before I could tell Yuvi sir I was trying to be a team man and support Mahela and others in the middle by clapping, the lift stopped and he left. Why do people ask questions if they don't want answers?

Then, I must be cursed, coz guess who walked into the lift, closed the door and made me miss my floor! Bloody fat slob!

7 April 2010
I was shocked when Sanga came to me and said I'm playing. I really was fired up. I'd been practising my sledging in the nets. Bopara even nicked a couple of my balls. I must've really intimidated him. Can't wait to play Royals today. Shilpa madam will be in the stands too. She always giggles when she sees me. She must think I'm cute. I hope she doesn't distract me while I'm fielding. Plus, she's married, it won't look good on Appa and Amma if media starts making up stories about me and her.

What a disaster for our team, but I think I had a good game. Who is this Lumb? He got lucky today. I used some lines on him that I'd practised in the nets. I think he understood me too. Such a dumbass though. His only comeback was, "what, what?" Yuvi sir kept telling me to calm down. I don't think he understands my passion. The umpires were definitely intimidated by my sarcastic clapping though - they only no-balled me once after that.

I think I'll sleep well today. Sanga must've learned his lesson not to drop me, if for nothing else then my passion on the field.